


Forget the Past

by FanFicReader01



Category: Poets of the Fall
Genre: Aftermath, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Drug Use, Drugs, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts, drug addict jani
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-10
Updated: 2017-04-10
Packaged: 2018-10-17 08:29:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,423
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10590243
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FanFicReader01/pseuds/FanFicReader01
Summary: You'll be the wave that will gainYou'll be the water on stainYou'll be there calling my nameJani, JaniInspired by The Irrepressible's Forget the Past





	

**Author's Note:**

> This took me forever xD  
> well, i got distracted along the way :P

_You'll be the wave that will gain_

_You'll be the water on stain_

Fuck, did he feel bad. He was nauseous and his whole world was turning and groaning.

The whole building seemed to fall down. Jani couldn’t stand on his feet anymore and fell onto his knees.

Eventually he leaned on his hands as well so he wouldn’t completely fall over. His whole body couldn’t stop shaking. When he looked around him, the walls were bleeding their paints into flashy, sickening colors. Was he dreaming or hallucinating? Maybe both.

Why did he took them again? He shouldn’t need them, but damn did it feel good to ride the high again.

The former bassist eventually puked but he couldn’t see the difference between his own vomit and the floor anymore.

This was getting pretty nasty. Literally and figuratively.

_You'll be there calling my name_

_Jani, Jani_

In the whole mess, in that horrible chaos, Jani spotted a figure.

The figure, it was a man, seemed to walk towards the sick man.

While everything was shaking and emitting weird noises and colors too bright for the eye and ear, the man seemed to be calm and constant. He didn’t change.

The mysterious figure soothed the madman.

Jani tried to reach for the person but he kept falling and falling into a seemingly never-ending pit.

He could hear the other man call out for him.

He was trying to reach for the bassist as well. But they never touched hands. They didn’t look each other in the eyes. Fuck, was it dark in Jani’s no man’s land.

 

_You have a warrant to kill_

_All of my fears, then spill_

‘Someone, please help me! Call an ambulance!’, the mysterious stranger shouted. The former musician himself, wasn’t conscious anymore by the time another person helped the stranger.

 

By the time Jani woke up, he was hospitalized. In the beginning he was a bit confused by the darkness of the room. There was an annoying buzzing noise. He also had a peripheral IV placed on his left hand.

It slightly itched.

 ‘How are you feeling?’, a voice called out for the patient.

Snellman thought he would see a doctor or a nurse but it wasn’t. A bald man with a black leather jacket greeted him with a nod. He stood in the door opening but now neared.

Jani didn’t recognize the stranger. Was he the person in his hallucinations?

 ‘I feel sick and hollow’, the drug addict admitted. He looked at his pale hands. Then he looked up again to look for the bald man’s eyes.

They had a warm brownish color. They seemed kind.

 ‘I found you in that abandoned alleyway. If it wasn’t for my curious dog, it might’ve been too late’, the stranger informed him.

 The patient stared back at his blanket. ‘Maybe you shouldn’t have saved me’, he muttered.

‘How can you say that?!’, the other man exclaimed.

 ‘Look at me! I’m filth from the street. I lost my job, got addicted and there’s no one who cares about me anyway. You could’ve just let me die there and no one would blink an eye at a junkie like me’, Jani broke down in tears. He hid his face with both hands.

 ‘But I care’, the other man simply replied.

Jani dared to look between his fingers at his “rescuer”.  Was this man serious?

 ‘How? Why? You don’t even know me!’, the comment came snappier than he meant to.

‘I couldn’t walk by and pretend nothing happened! How could I?’, the man said. ‘And I think you should always try to help others. Even if you don’t know that person!’, he added.

 ‘Didn’t you think I had it coming? Like most junkies have it coming’, Snellman retorted, still not convinced.

‘No! If you use drugs, I believe you always have some heavy troubles you want to escape from! I can’t blame them for resorting to it. I think it’s really sad that people have to resort to pills and stuff to escape their harsh reality. By the way, you can call me Markus’, Jani’s rescuer stated.

 ‘I-, I’m Jani’, the drug user mumbled.

He felt a warm hand on his shoulder. He looked up to see Markus make eye contact again.

 ‘I’m glad you’re back to your senses, Jani. Nice to meet you finally’, he smiled.

Jani managed a smile as well and nodded. ‘Yeah, I guess so.’

 ‘So, what will you do after you get out of the hospital?’

‘Go to a rehab center, that’s for sure. Don’t know how I’ll pay it though’, Jani didn’t want to sound desperate, but he truly felt that way. He started to sob and Markus reassuringly caressed the sick man’s back.

 ‘I’m afraid I can’t even pay the hospital bills right now. They better kick me out of here already. It will save everyone’s money.’

 ‘Please, don’t say such things, Jani. I’m sure we can find another way!’, Markus encouraged.

‘Why are you so sure? Why would you go such lengths for a junkie like me?’, Jani snorted in disbelief.

‘Y’know, I had a friend. He had some severe trouble at home. He resorted to drugs too. I tried to stop him. I supported him even when he started taking those harmful pills. But in the end, I was too late. I don’t want you to have the same faith as my friend. I just hope I can talk some sense into you again. Why you shouldn’t give up on life and all’, Markus gave an intense look at the former bassist.

 ‘I know we barely know each other, but I’m starting to care about you.’

 

That was Markus and Jani’s very first meeting.

 

_Into me all of your will_

 

After Jani got out of the hospital, Markus decided to look after the former drug user.

The man lived with his dog in a small flat not so far from the hospital.

He offered Jani his bed like it was nothing. Markus said it was okay if he were the one to sleep on the couch. ‘Don’t worry about me. You’re the one who needs a good bed the most now.’

 ‘I just got out of the hospital, y’know. I’m fine’, Jani countered.

But Markus brushed it off and simply gave the other man his bed.

 

Markus even went so far to pay Jani’s rehab. It left the ex-junkie full of guilt.

‘You used to be a bassist, right?’, Markus asked him one day.

‘Yes. _Used_ to. I don’t even know if I’m still capable of playing the bass’, Jani muttered to him.

‘I was thinking about giving you a second chance. To start anew in my band. In Marko’s band. After you’ve finished your rehab, I was thinking about you joining the band’, Markus explained at it made Jani’s eyes widen.

A second chance as a musician? That couldn’t be real.

And yet there he was. In a studio that wasn’t familiar to him. Although he was kind of glad he could completely start with a tabula rasa.

Markus introduced Jani to his friends and bandmembers. The bassist was surprised he got accepted that easily. Marko, the lead singer of the band, was really compassionate. The two guitarists also said they were glad to finally have a bassist in their group. The drummer of the band said he was happy to see someone who lost their way, find it again.

 

During Jani’s stay at Markus’ place, he grew very fond of the man who saved him that faithful day.

They became very good friends. But Jani remained unsure about Markus’ true feelings towards him.

He wondered if Markus only saw him as a very good friend or if there was more.

Because he sure felt more than just platonic love.

 

_Find me, find me_

_Find me, find me_

_Find me, find me_

 

‘Where is Jani?’, Markus exclaimed when he opened the door of the studio.

The two guitarists who were rehearsing, gave their keyboardist a questioning look. ‘Isn’t he supposed to be at your place?’ Olli asked.

 ‘I haven’t seen him here’, Jaska added.

‘Does anyone know where he is?’, Markus’ face was full of worry. The man stormed to the small kitchen of the studio where he found the drummer. He got startled by Markus’ sudden appearance.

 ‘Have you seen Jani? He’s not at home’, the keyboardist almost shouted.

‘Isn’t he jogging? Like he always does?’, Jari tried. Markus rubbed his jaw and muttered something.

 ‘Perhaps. But at this hour? It’s late.’

‘Do you think he ran off?’, the drummer asked, already regretting his question. Markus threw an agitated look at his friend and snorted: ‘Jani would never do such thing. It’s true, he’s in and out of the house constantly. Like a cat. But he always comes back. I know you have your doubts about him and-’

 ‘I’m just thinking about all the options, Markus. Y’know, he had a severe depression before you met him, right? Sometimes depression suddenly appears again and…’, Jari started to trail off and awkwardly stared at his feet.

 ‘I’m sorry. I don’t want to discourage you’, he stammered.

Markus now shook his head and sighed: ‘You’re right, Jari. But I don’t want to lose him. What if he’s out there? All scared and alone?’

 ‘Then go look for him!’, Jari stated.

‘But where?’, Markus looked desperate.

 ‘Don’t ask me. You know the guy better than me. Want me to go with you?’, Jari suggested.

‘T- thanks, Jari. I’d appreciate it’, he mumbled. The two musicians left the building and stepped into Markus’ car. The drummer drove for Markus was too hysterically to drive normally.

 

They searched for Jani in the park behind the flats where he used to jog all the time whenever something was on his mind. He wasn’t there.

They drove under the bridge. Most of the time you found some shifty people there. Jani wasn’t among them.

Heck, Markus even looked for the bassist in the abandoned alleyway where he first me the guy. Once again, no Jani.

Markus started to lose all hope when they started to drive back home. Jari suddenly tugged at the keyboardist sleeve. He then pointed in front of him. They were driving over the longest bridge of the city.

 ‘There! I see a person walking!’

Markus knew it could be anyone but he recognized the figure in the distance. The hunched over walk, the way the person dragged his feet across the pavement. It was typically Jani’s whenever he felt… depressed. Markus swore his heart screamed to the sight of his friend walking there.

 ‘Stop the car!’, he now screamed and Jari tried his best not to abruptly brake.

‘I have to drive to the parking first!’, the drummer stammered. Markus, however, wasn’t satisfied with that answer.

 ‘What if he is going to jump? I don’t have time for this!’, without thinking twice, the keyboardist jumped out of the car which was slowing down anyway.

 ‘Markus!’, Jari yelped, but he couldn’t do anything about it anymore. The musician slammed the door shut again and Jari had to continue driving.

 

Jani was distancing himself more from Markus, probably unaware of the other man’s presence.

His head was lowered and he doddered over the sidewalk. He eventually stood still at the railing of the bridge and he leant forward. He gasped when he saw the fast moving cars underneath him.

His hands grasped tightly onto the cold steel of the railing.

Fuck his sudden depression. Now he could finally end it. Which would also end the one-sided relationship he had with Markus.

Well, he still wasn’t sure if the man loved him back or not but the answer would probably be a “no” anyway.

Jani knew this act was going to be very selfish, but he couldn’t care less about the world anymore. Besides, he felt like a horrible failure. No one would need him anyway. The band only pretended to like him, probably. Markus wouldn’t have to look after him anymore.

No, this was the right moment to end it all.

 

He hoisted himself up, ready to climb over the railing. No cars were stopping because nobody would care about him anyway.

 Somewhere in the distance he could hear a very familiar voice yelling his name. It almost felt like the day he and Markus met. His mind was clouded back then. And now his mind was again clouded with dark thoughts.

‘Jani! Jani! Stop what you’re doing! Get the fuck away from there!’

But the bassist was stubborn and climbed over the fence already. He started to feel nauseous as he looked down. He was standing still while everything underneath him was in full motion.

He also got startled by some car honks.

 ‘Jani!’, then the ex- drug addict dared to look up.

Markus was approaching him. He seemed to run in slow-motion. What was he doing here? Wasn’t he supposed to be home? Wasn’t he going to the studio to rehearse with his real friends? Apparently not.

 The keyboardist sprinted the last few meters and without hesitation he grabbed Jani by the shoulders so he wouldn’t fall.

 ‘Just what the fuck do you think you’re doing? Huh? Could tell me, please?!’, Markus sounded all angry and sad at the same time. It was written all over his face.

Jani wanted to answer it but tears prevented him from doing that. All he could blabber was: ‘I-  I dunno, Markus. I- I’m sorry’

A firm breeze tried to take a hold of the bassist but Markus was stronger. He grabbed Jani’s body even tighter to him. With some effort he pulled the man over the railing so he was standing on the steady ground again.

That’s when Jani collapsed to the ground. His knees too weak to carry him. Markus knelt beside him.

 ‘I-, I’m a failure once again, Markus’, the man whimpered.

‘No, you’re not. Depression… it just hits you and there’s not much you could do about it. So don’t blame this on yourself, Jani. Please, I beg you’, Markus replied.

But Jani kept crying. His body shuddered heavily because of it. Kapu felt heartbroken to see his friend like this. He wanted to do something about it.

Then Markus let go of the crying musician, only to embrace him even more now and actually _kiss_ Jani.

He kissed him fully on the lips. It was quite passionate. Markus was kissing the hell out of him and hopefully  kissed the man’s sorrow away as well.

It did stop Jani from crying. The man’s eyes widened in surprise. He surely felt his heart skip a beat.

Was Markus really…?

 ‘I love you, Jani. Maybe more than you know. Damn it, I love you so much. I wouldn’t let you go like that. I wouldn’t let you slip away from me a second time!’

 Jani hesitatingly wrapped his arms around Kapu too now. He started to feel lightheaded.

Hopefully he wasn’t going to pass out on the other man.

 The two men parted a little so they could each other in the eye.

‘I-, Markus… I don’t know what to say. I mean, I-, I feel the s- same way but I never thought you’d fall in love with a junkie’, Jani expressed his surprise.

 ‘ _Ex_ -junkie. You’re no longer the man I found on that day’, Markus exclaimed, pressing Jani closer to him again. ‘We’ll make it somehow. Together. I’m sure of it. You only have to believe’, Markus whispered and Jani nodded.

Markus was right. Markus was always right.

 

_My Love, my love_

_My Love, my love_

_You'll be the essence of fire_

_You'll take hold of my desire_

_You'll make me bold and inspire_

Jani didn’t really thought he had it in him to change that much. But he did and here he was.

The rehab was completely over (he had to return for a while though) and he took pills against his depressions.

So the bandmembers threw him a little party to celebrate the bassist’s success.

After the party he and Markus returned home. _Their_ home. Now that Jani finally had a steady income again, he could pay the rent too.

 

‘Once again, I’d like to out my eternal gratitude’, Jani expressed when the two of them laid in bed together.

 ‘Thank you, but you don’t have to say that in an apologizing tone’, Markus mumbled.

‘But really. Without you, I wouldn’t know what to do, honestly! If it wasn’t for you then… then I’d be dead by now’, Jani stammered. Markus now rolled on his side to face the bassist.

‘Really, thank you, thank you!’, he added.

Markus replied: ‘But the biggest kudo’s go to you, Jani. It was _you_ who made it happen after all. That wasn’t me but purely _you_. Of course, I’m very honored to be the one who inspired you to change. In the end, I only pushed you in the right way. Nothing else.’

 ‘I know. I can hardly believe it, though’, Jani started to cry tears of joy and his partner cradled him, stroking his back in a hushing way.

 

_Know me, know me_

Markus knew Jani more than the bassist knew himself sometimes.

The guy recognized it when he could calm Jani down and when not. When the other man was too frustrated or too sad to accept any help. Then Kapu would just back off and give him some breathing space. 

But Markus also understood when Jani was just pretending and he actually craved some attention.

He simply knew.

 

Kapu also knew about the other man’s body. He had discovered all the secret weak  and sweet spots of the bassist. He knew where his touch tickled and where his touch tingled and excited.

For Markus, Jani was like an open book.

And together with the keyboardist Jani started to read himself again. To love himself and find himself again. After all, he had been a lost sheep and Markus helped him to find the right path again.

 

_You'll be the eye of the storm_

_You'll be the letters of warm_

 

When Jani got rescued that day, Markus felt like the eye of the storm. Standing in the middle of it. being the only steady and real thing in the otherwise chaotic world around Jani.

And sometimes, Markus still felt like the eye of the storm.

The storm of his feelings that was. His feelings for Markus happened like a storm. He could feel it in the air, taste it on his lips, feel it mostly in his heart.

And then, the storm broke out and Jani felt like he was catapulted in the air and thrown from side to side by the strong winds. He was hopelessly in love. He didn’t know what to do with those feelings.

But now he did. Now that Markus confessed his equal love to the bassist.

 

He still didn’t wasn’t sure how to completely express his love for the other man. He wasn’t that good with flirtation and such lovey-dovey things. But Markus apparently was. He liked to flirt with the other man, tease him a little.

Jani mirrored the other man’s actions and together they dived into a loving relationship.

_You’ll be the dreams that I’ve torn_

 

Markus was everything Jani thought was impossible.

Back when he was a drug addict, he didn’t thought true happiness existed. He deemed love to be a big and ugly lie. An unachievable goal. Jani didn’t thought there would be real people that would love him.

He saw himself as a mistake of mother nature who didn’t deserve love or any kind of affection. He felt like he wasn’t needed in this world. And he felt so lonely and miserable, that he hoped the drugs could help him.

But they only helped him for a short period of time. After they’d worn out, he would feel just as shitty as before the pills and needles.

 

And his shitty life almost met an end with his last overdose, but then Markus came along and changed everything.

He made Jani believe again. He showed Jani the love and friendship he never had. He showed him that he was worth someone’s time and attention.

Jani had given up on his seemingly unreachable dreams. He had torn them like paper but Markus had glued them together again. He had repaired them and made the words written on it, a reality.

_Find me inside_

_The calm of the storm_

_Where lovers decide what might come with the dawn_


End file.
